Men, Plural
--a seriously scandalous serial essay
by J.C. Summerford
Copyright January, 2012

(Note: for bkg info, click the word NOW)
The headlines scream rape, child abuse, imprisonment, kidnapping, slavery, and at the least – inequality and emotional battering of women.  I’m talking about the Mormon practice of plural marriage, or polygamy.   Mitt Romney and the “modern” Mormon church can protest all day long that polygamy is “ancient history”, an antiquated practice long outlawed by their super-secretive clergy, but the practice remains one of the main tenets of Mormonism, set down in its original scriptures by the church’s founder, Joseph Smith, way back in 1830.  (Does that fit anyone’s definition of “ancient”?) 
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Some nay-sayers claim that Smith created the whole church just so that he could boink as many women as he wanted in the name of – well – in the name of himself, since he was the Self-Appointed One.  (Nevermind that just prior to finding the “golden tablets” of Moroni in a wooded area near his house, he had been arrested for trying to pass himself off as a “seer” by reading people’s “future” using a pile of stones he found in the same woods.)
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But for whatever reason, more than thirty women, aged 16 to 56, decided that he actually was some sort of deity, and they would settle for taking turns with him - we’re assuming this lined up as one for each day of the month - and being slaves to his every rule and whim.  (Well, to some that may seem preferable to the prevailing Christian principle of marrying one man, and bearing full responsibility of training and nagging him; plus it might be somewhat of a deterrent to the wandering eye.  Although we think it plausible that with his libido, Smith could have proportionally serviced hundreds of mistresses to boot.) 
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The reason for plural wives?  Well according to what Mr. Smith made up, only through polygamy can Mormon men achieve their ultimate goal – becoming kings of the after life.  When a polygamist dies, Smith decided, God will bestow upon him his own Planet to rule.  (In fact, we suspect that Planet Joseph is even now circling some distant star, where Smith endlessly fucks an unimaginable horde of alien women of all sizes, shapes, colors, tentacles and atomic structures - in an eternal intergalactic orgy so extreme it puts to shame Captain Kirk’s lustiest day dreams. Come to think of it, maybe this is the rationale for Newt Gingrich's moon colony - he is a closet Mormon.)
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So, you think, that Joseph Smith must have been a looker!  Or at least in possession of a HUGE schlong, in fact it must have been a LENGENDARY package, surpassing even that which we imagine when we gaze at Shaquille O’Neill, right?  (Well, maybe that’s just me.)  
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Check out this photo, which is claimed to be the only one ever taken of Smith:

I say – this guy was pretty hot.  Look at those languid, puppy-dog eyes; those pouty lips!  But would I agree to share him with 29 other ladies?  Would I agree to become his child-farm, house-slave, and second class citizen, just to tear off a hunk of that rad meat?  Well, no.  Because actually, polygamist wives are far less than sex slaves.  They are essentially pitiful man-pets, told what to do and when and how to do it; praised when they’re “good” and “sweet”; scolded and punished when they’re “bad”.
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But what if the tables were turned?  What if a woman could marry lots of men, and use them however she pleased?   During the next few episodes of this web series, you will enter the topsy-turvy world of “Men, Plural” – where one lucky female marries a series of men, and perhaps a woman or two.  Why?  Because like Mormon men, this woman aspires to utopia on earth – and of course, eventually, her own planet. 

Watch this space!  More "Men, Plural" soon!

To comment on this series, and to suggest storylines, plot points or characters (highly encouraged) - visit me on facebook

For more information:
Jon Krakauer:  Under the Banner of Heaven