HABITS

My cat, Zinnia, wakes me up every morning at the same time, wanting food and to sit on the balcony.  Our mornings together are a microcosm of OCD.  I go to the bathroom, wash my face, then open the balcony door, make coffee, feed her, take some supplements, sit down on the couch to watch the news.  So what's the difference between that routine and mental illness?  Our brains, and apparently all animal brains, are wired to robotically repeat thoughts and actions.  Why?  Are habits genetically preferable traits?

If so, then why do we form both good and bad habits, and rigidly stick to them no matter the consequences?  For example a heroin addict knows he is killing himself with that needle, a fat person knows eating donuts is exacerbating her weight problem, yet they go on doing the same things that inevitably bring negative results, over and over, one action snowballing into thousands of similar ones, until something really sad happens.  How to break the chain?  Because the new, good habit rarely brings sudden joy, and in fact can be downright painful.  The heroin guy replaces the drug with a cup of tea.  The fat lady has a salad instead of a cheeseburger.  Do you think they're having fun? 

I'm trying to replace the bad with the good, but it's not easy.  My idea is to do this so gradually that it will seem ridiculous at the time, but six months from now I'll start seeing results, instead of waking up six months from now saying, now wasn't I going to start on that strict regimen?  But I failed, and now I'm even fatter and more unhealthy.  Which is what I've done too many times.  No, this time I'm taking the low road, the back streets, the way of least resistance.  Most of us fail at forming healthful diet and exercise habits because we hate big changes, and when suffering through them, we become stressed and impatient.  Eventually we give up and go back to our slovenly ways. 

So on this lovely early June morning, as I drink coffee and watch the news, I think, one day I'm gonna replace my sedentary news watching with a run to the beach, like I used to do.  I'd like that old habit back.  And I know I can do it, could do it right now.  I take another sip of coffee.  Let's put that on the goals list, and work toward it slowly.  From here forward, I only take on actions that can comfortably be added to my daily routines and maintained forever.  So maybe I'll take some extra warmup sprints around the tennis court before we play this morning.  Baby steps forward, but no backsliding allowed, those are the basics.  Because I'm never again going to be the way I was two weeks ago.  That's a game plan and a zen koan I think.